I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
please come you make the beer taste better
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
