Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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