I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
