Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
