don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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