I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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