i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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