I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
