FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
