I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
