he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
