Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize