The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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