your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i don't like sucking hair
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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