maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
