this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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