Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
