Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
