I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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