I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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