When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
