does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
