He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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