she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
