We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
