Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
