I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
