OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
