1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
