You can't special order awesome
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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