I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize