I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you traded sex for a burrito?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
