I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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