i don't plan on having that self control this summer
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize