I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
