Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
How's work?
Spinning.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
the raccoons are back...
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