dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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