I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How naked do you want me to be?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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