nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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