She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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