I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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