Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
