He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
