And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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