Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
