no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
