Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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