The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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