I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
