I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
