I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
