HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
