Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
