I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
