The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
