Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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