i permit you to call me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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