so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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