the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
