dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
