I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
