feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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