go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
