there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
