this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
