worst night to have a conscience
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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