just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My ass is underappreciated
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
