I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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