i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
