He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
