I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
